 By
Da Bull Dawg (aka. Tom Leung)
Your Student Assembly has been meeting for two months now. As many of you
may remember, most of these representatives ran on the Democratic ticket and
thus, made many campaign promises. Until now, no one has judged them on how
well they’ve served the student body’s interests. No one has dared to
critique their effectiveness. In this issue of Turn Left, the SA members will
be judged by the Bull Dawg. A mean and ruthless beast that can sniff out the
difference between friend and foe. Beware of the Bull Dawg!
Top Dawgz
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Uzo Asonye |
A+ : President Uzo Asonye leads with a calm and professional demeanor. Few
command as much respect as Uzo and fits the bill as Top Dawg.
A+ : VP of Finance Mike Moschella is the best VP of Finance ever. A true
liberal's liberal, you can expect him to battle conservatives all the way.
When this Dawg roams, Conservatives hide in fear.
A+ : Esther "Tangerific" Tang always makes sure that this Bull
Dawg is well fed in the dining halls. Along with her solid voting record,
she's sweet and lovable with uncanny leadership as the chair of Dining.
A : Mike Sellman is simply cool. Never breaks a sweat under pressure and
calmly delivers the goods to his liberal constituents.
A : Funa Maduka gets the job done. She votes solidly and trumps the
minority cause. Excellent representative.
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Nick Linder |
A- : Nick Linder is the most ambitious, visible, and hard-working freshman
representative on the Assembly.
A- : Mark Greenbaum did a great job running the freshman elections and
continues to lay the bricks to a solid legacy (he's headed for law school -
dare I say, Cornell Law?).
Sizzlin' Hot Pupz
B+ : Noah Doyle is a quiet and lethal foe against Conservatives. Plus, he
works really hard as chair of ResLife.
[Adam Fox should have received B+, not C+. His voting record is in fact a strong one. The writer sincerely apologizes
for the mistake.]
B+ : Thomas Leung knows the issues and gets the job done. He has a perfect
voting record and is always out there fighting for the liberal cause. If a
Conservative challenges him, Tom will stand up tall.
B+ : Ari Epstein is one openminded dude. He tries really hard and will give
everyone a chance.
B+ : Michael Matly is an excellent rep. He's charming, smart, and loves to
talk (on and on and on....), which makes him an excellent VP of
Communications.
B : Erica Kagan is new, but she's got a lot of potential as her vote record
has been very solid. When she reaches that potential, she'll wreak havoc on
Conservatives and Republicans.
B : Josh Bronstein is new and also has tons of potential. Once he learns
the ropes a bit more, he'll be a force.
B- : Ben Solomon is a guy who knows the issues, but forgets them at home.
He needs to start voting more liberally, or more doubts will sprout.
B- : Josh Roth works hard, but votes conservatively way too often. I bet a
dog bisquit or five that he'll be a Republican by 40. I'm a Bull Dawg, but
he's a true Blue Dawg.
Swimming Doggy Style (Barely)
C+ : Joan Luu tries, but she's not always in the loop. Her handling of the
SAFC was less than spectacular and did little to help the liberal cause. SAFC
granted full funding to the Review, but noteven close for us!
C+ : Tom Mendez does little, hurts little.
C : Abeezer "Don't be a Cheezer" Tapia is there, but doesn't do
much. Ain't a liberal. Ain't a conservative. What is he? Da Bull Dawg doesn't
think he knows either.
C : Michael Wacht is a conservative, but at least he actually cares (a
little). The one positive is that he's not afraid to hide his conservatism.
Da Dawg Pond
D+ : Scott Toussaint votes against student group-funding with a vengeance.
He's bad news and wack. Da Bull Dawg will keep an eye out.
F : Congrats Danny Rumack! This may be the only way you ever make a liberal
paper! Votes against almost everything liberals stand for.
F- : Lindsay Patross. Is there a such thing as F-? Now there is! She calls
herself a Democrat, but she's more conservative than most Republicans. Loud
and combative, she has offended many. |
